Musings of an Angels Mumma 🖤

Mummy to an Angel baby! 💚 A journey of soul searching and raising a baby in the cosmic cradle



First Letter To Braxdyn – Care of Heaven

 Photo was taken 11 days before you died 😦 

I was going to have a baby but I had an angel instead. I’m living every parents worst nightmare there is no pain like a broken heart of a grieving mother.


My darling Angel 👼

Braxdyn Nicholas
Passed away: 18:09:17

Date of birth: 20:09:17

Due date: 18:04.18
Missing you comes in waves and tonight I’m drowning.  I remember the first time I saw you so tiny and full of life,  and from that moment on my world changed for ever. But then I remember the first day without you and I have never been the same for I remember everything. On 18:09:17 when I heard the words “i’m so sorry but there is no heartbeat” The trapdoor opened and I fell. I don’t think anyone’s ever wanted anything the way I wanted you.

Brax, I never got to hear you cry I never got to feel you kick I never got to hold you close but I’ll never forget the moment your heart stop and mine was forced to keep beating. But darling if I could wish for one thing it would be to hear you call my name “Mumma!” Even if it was just one time. You are my favourite “what if?” Just because I let you go doesn’t mean I wanted to your wings are ready even though my heart was not. 

I had so many dreams about you and me and our future together it was just going to be us against the world. I’m so sorry I couldn’t have saved you but no one truly knows how much I cried that day because I already miss the future I was supposed to have with you. I’m held captive by those memories and I’m at the mercy of that moment I knew you were gone you didn’t stay for long but in those precious few weeks you changed me for the better, forever!

But one day everything changed and my whole world was turned upside down my heart was broken into 1 million pieces my time with you was cut short I had so much left to teach you, to show you, to say to you. 1000 moments I took for granted because I assumed there would be 1000 more. Then I get this feeling in my heart slowly breaks because my memory loves you and enquires about you all the time. The day you died all the colours left my world – with you went so much of me and I’m haunted by a lifetime of wonder!

As I lay in my hospital bed tonight staring out at the moon be on the stars I’m dreaming about you and what it would be like if you were here with me now. I will never understand what had to be you and not me! I’m broken it just hits me out of nowhere time seems to freeze like it’s been brought to a standstill and all of a sudden sadness encircles me. I feel helpless and numb to the world! I feel like I died with you but They just forgot to bury me! I would’ve sacrificed everything I’d have given my life to save yours!

When I pass through the veil the first thing I’m going to do is find you The second thing I’ll do is never let you go again! The veil may separate us today son , but nothing will ever change the fact you made me a mum! 💜

Love today, tomorrow and then forever…

🐛🦋Mummy 🦋🐛

The loss of a child is not just an event it’s an indescribable journey of courage and survival. The death of my son did not define me but it certainly changed me forever ðŸ’š
I’m the proud mummy of an angel 👼 


Life in the Cosmic Cradle – meeting my baby !

Do babies in the cosmic cradle “google earth” their parents?

It is with the help of my own child who has yet to be born into this realm that I am writing this. 

As a young child I was identified as spiritually gifted. I could see and hear spirit, spirits of loved ones and friends who had passed through the veil, some of which died before my birth. Growing up spiritualism was a taboo subject at home and my questions and comments would simply have just been shut down. I never really knew  why no one else understood me, why people would angrily tell me to “shut it” or call me a freak but I eventually began to think there was something psychologically wrong with me. In time these experiences became lucid moments and eventually ceased, that was until I was around 12/13 years of age. When I met a very special child in spirit, this spirit visited daily and still continues to do so, the only difference being that now I understand why and it’s not all as maddening as it seems.

The child I met in a vision long ago was both a blessing and a curse. Despite being labelled psychotic and a freak by some others labelled me gifted special and a visionary. I attended my first spiritualist expo on my 18th birthday where I met hundreds of likeminded folk with similar gifts and I realised I wasn’t alone.

The child who’s gender I’m still unsure of continues to frequently visit me in visions and dreams and has recently began to show me places and things that I must see and do in my life! My little spirit baby – who for many years I nicknamed  “Blip”

In the past 18 months I’ve learned so much about my baby and recently learned the name of my “Blip”. In my dream I was taken to a Buddhist temple by Blip and shown a tree that made this crazy Bub happy and then I spent hours and days googling the significance of this tree it’s called a “Bodhi Tree” – my little Blips name is Bodhi.

Two different Clairvoyants, both of whom I have befriended, both have told me that Bodhi is going to have special needs and will be highly spiritually gifted, Bodhi is the first born of a few “enchantingly beautiful” spirit babies.

It’s truly a gift to meet your soulmate but to meet your babies years before they come down to earth is truly a miracle. This is just the first entry in a long line of musings and experience stories so watch this space 

I can’t wait to see what the future has in store for me and my  spirit family it’s just so enlightening and the Cosmic Cradle is a place I can’t wait to explore it through my children and write about what it’s like growing up on the other side of the veil.

A good friend and clairvoyant once told me that Bodhi and my other babies in spirit have been sent to me from the universe to be my saving grace. Despite the traumas that I have endured during my very short time in this realm  so far  these enchantingly beautiful spirit babies will be the ones that can save me from hell and eternal darkness they will be my saving grace! ❤️

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